Over the last few weeks i’ve been getting my groove back, and it’s been really nice. I’m working really hard on a little business craft venture that i’m working on with Abigail (@myworriedshoes on twitter) and having that outlet has made me realise how important it is to have something that is just for me to focus on. I really love being a mama, but after 6 months of just focusing on my little family i am exhausted and i lost myself a little bit.
The best of both worlds
This has happened before, 4 years ago when i first started having bad seizures. During this time i lost a lot of what i thought defined me. I couldn’t really go out by myself so i couldn’t go running anymore, i couldn’t socialise (no alcohol as well) and i couldn’t work. I would sit at home by myself a lot because many of my friends at the time just stopped calling or returning my calls. When this happens and you lose the ability to do much of what you once did you start to question what is left without those things. I assumed at the time that if nobody really wanted to spend time with me after i had lost the ability to do things for or with them that I, as a stand alone person must not have much to offer. My confidence hit rock bottom, i really did not like myself. I thought that the only defining thing about me was my illness and i didn’t blame the majority of my friends for ditching me, i wanted to ditch me too. However over the course of a few months i realised that my illness did not define me, and that i still had a lot to offer. The people that didn’t avoid me and stuck by me in my time of need made me realise that i was still fun to be around and started to fix my shattered confidence. The friends who ditched me….well i count myself lucky not to have them in my life anymore!
By now you’re probably wondering why i’m babbling on about something that happened 4 years ago. Well the reason is that being a new mum, despite being wonderful, is so life changing that it had a similar effect on my confidence recently. You lose a lot of the things that used to define you pre-baby, and a lot of common ground that you had with childless friends. I came out of my newborn haze, only to realise that i didn’t have time for me, my life revolved around caring for Henry, doing housework and trying to find the time to pluck my eyebrows and have a bath. Outside of this i didn’t have much to talk about…….or at least i didn’t feel like i did. I noticed my confidence dropping, i began questioning whether people would want to see me or talk to me, worrying about how i looked and how i come across to others. Generally beating myself up over what i think other people think of me. It’s exhausting and makes the world a lonely place at times. However this time i realised what i was doing to myself, and instead of letting myself hide from everyone like i wanted to i have made myself go out and socialise.
Once again it’s been craft that has been my saving grace! Last time i made myself go out to a few knitting groups to meet people, and i met some lovely very accepting people who brightened my world, including the lovely Miss Millington aka @PrincessPurling. Knitters really are a lovely bunch of people! 🙂 This time i’m using my knitting and sewing to start a mama craft project with Abigail a fellow mum, and connecting with other likeminded crafters & mama’s over Twitter. Making something brand new, designing things that make the world a prettier place, and generally filling the world with colour is enough to lift anybody’s confidence and it really has done me the world of good!
I’m so excited to share with you all what i am working on, it’s going to be amazing! 🙂 But i am most excited about the fact that since working on it all i am enjoying my time with Henry more as well! Things really are looking good right now! Yay!!!! 🙂
mamaknitscakes 